Last night I found out that the father of my friend E is very close to death. It is such a bittersweet moment, because just as his death is iminent, so too is the birth of E's first baby. I cannot imagine what she must be feeling, but my heart aches for her and I pray for her.
This morning while I was in the shower E's situation was weighing heavily on my mind. (Doesn't everyone contemplate life while washing up?) E and I are part of a group of four friends who have known each other since 5th grade or earlier. We're all 27 or 28 years old, and in the past 7 years, we've helped each other through the deaths of 3 parents: K's mom and both my mom and my dad. E's dad will unforunately be #4. I know that death can come at any time to any person, but it hardly seems fair that three of us will have lost parents before we ever reach the age of 30. There have been missed graduations, missed weddings, and now the possibility of a missed birth. I know our loved ones are all up there in Heaven watcing down on us, but when you are in the moment - getting your diploma, walking down the aisle - knowing that you are being watched over is little comfort when you think about the way things might have been.
It's times like this morning, when I sit back and look at the facts of the situation, that it becomes hard to remember that God has a plan - that He and He alone knows what is in store for each of us. It's so easy to say, "Life isn't fair," and it's easy to get angry. It is far more difficult to say, "I trust You, and I know that You are in control so I surrender to You." It's hard to not be angry with God when you see a young woman who is faced with both birth and death. That's why I'm writing this today - to remind myself that God is in control, and that no matter how angry I am that something like this could happen to someone I care about, it is all for a reason. I do believe that God doesn't give us more than we can handle, but sometimes I wonder what He sees in me, and in all of us, that we don't see in ourselves.
Heavy thoughts today. Heavy mind and heavy heart. I'm actually at a bit of a loss for words, just because I am trying to understand. Perhaps that's my problem - I'm being far too analytical of this situation, when what I need to have is faith. Faith that God will take care of E and her family. Faith that He knows what He is doing. Faith that everything is going to be OK in the end, even if it doesn't feel OK in the moment. More thoughts to ponder.
Some things to close with :
"I just keep reminding myself that God is writing this story (which is a drag because I've got some really great ideas for just about every chapter)." - Karen Russell
"What reason cannot understand, faith accepts." - Herbert Lockyer
Ecclesiastes 3:1-22 - perhaps my favorite Bible passage.
Love you E.
4 years ago